


It gets louder and louder

by sternenschnuppendrachenschicksal



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 12:18:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16994865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sternenschnuppendrachenschicksal/pseuds/sternenschnuppendrachenschicksal
Summary: They say the womb is where we learn love is knowing the cord that feeds you could at any moment wrap around your neck.-Andrea GibsonLuke + the force - "I swear that you could hear it/It makes such an almighty sound"





	1. Sorrow waited Sorrow won

Luke has seen them, their eyes filled with an electric blue, there are many of them, in all kind of intensity, some of them took it to meet their spirits/gods/the universe itself ( _themself_ ) but most of them are just poor and hungry ( _for more_ , for substance, for a rest) - "fools" Owen mutters and Berus hand curls around Lukes wrist uncharacteristically hard pulling Luke away. (" _They chained themself into their own heads_ " Owen says, like it is the worst of all crimes, but mostly he says “no you can´t go,maybe after next years harvest..." and Lukes mouth feels dry with anger and frustration, like he has swallowed sand, like he is chained down, when he is supposed to fly).

He is 15 when he tries it for the first time, he is burning under his skin, sharp like the midday sky, trapped here while his friends lie about their age and join the rebellion (part of him knows that the reason his aunt and uncle want him to stay is not the harvest but that they are scared he will die out there but he is 15 and 

\- he takes the spice and the world goes still.

 


	2. In my honey / in my milk

Luke has seen the old Ben Kenobi before of cause, but when he reveals himself he almost expect his eyes to spark blue and blind to the real world " _The force moves in us and around us, its the Force that shapes us and the universe_ " Ben repeats patient but-

There is supposed to be only the little toy and the lightsaber. There is supposed to be only the force. One enternity and nothing else. But even when he can block everything else out, (the creaking and squeaking of C3PO and his bickering with R2 somewhere behind him, Hans laugher, the way Bens robes rustling when he moves...) all the small and not as small noises other life and machines make, there is still the taste of smoke from his burned down home in the back of his throath, and the fustration about not being able to do what Ben keeps repeating, grows louder and louder under his skin, buzzes in his ears--

Luke has always felt like there must be more in the world and looking into Bens careful eyes smiling at him defeating the toy, he feels like whatever that more is, it´s not only out there somewhere, but also in him.

 


	3. Don´t leave my hyper heart alone

Han touches his shoulder and Luke follows him down to his bunk. He can feel the fustration from before and the euphoria over the lucky strike like an exposed wire on the Falcon when he touches him, and it´s the kind of danger that he should stay away from, but Han has never been able to resist people who brought him trouble.

The cheap alcohol he gets out from one of the smuggle cabinets is not strong enough to cut Luke of the noise (the _force – and it feels like a dark and full harvest to finally have a word for it even if it is one that tries to choke you up in strings of destiny – everyone on Tattooin knows if you know a name you have power over them and Luke knows his name and this one too_ ) all around him ( _inside_ him), but Luke drinks it up, with the same greed as their kisses.

Han is sure he will have blisters on his fingers, because Luke burns like a sun under them, but he is also almost clumpsy with his hunger and when he presses his forehead against Hans, eyes closed and mumbles" _when i am around you the creatures under my skin go to sleep, the creatures behind my eyes sleep_ " in what Han regonice as a stumpling translation into basic, that he just can´t place the meaning of (peace. the kid talks about peace), he gives back with out much holding back too.

 


	4. I don´t wanna get over you

Luke is freeborn.

His father was not.

The outer space is cold and dark like the night, and he close his eyes,

_the eyes behind Vaders mask were not blue, he has found other ways to chain himself, to silent himself, to forget even his own name –_

 

Luke finds _the Force_ in himself like a thread (easy to strangle yourself with it like a marionette) and the taste of rain on his tongue

 

_the smoke of the burning plastic stings in Lukes eyes, he died free, free like Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen._

 

But he is not burning under his skin, he is water, he is the open black night, waiting for you to come and follow the stars to freedom, the smoke rise up and he let the voices hum inside him.

 

He carries the whole universe inside his bones.

He doesn´t know if Spice could silence it now,

or even Hans kisses, but he knows it doesn´t matter anymore, the whole universe 

includes them, his father, his aunt, his uncle, Han, Leia,

he will find ways to concentrate on them, he will find ways to make it work.

 


End file.
